


Empty Note

by lost_decade



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abortion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 04:58:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11960202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_decade/pseuds/lost_decade
Summary: It was inevitable that being in Tokyo would dredge up some memories. It’s just, well – Jenson had thought he was well-adjusted to how life is these days.





	Empty Note

It was inevitable that being in Tokyo would dredge up some memories. It’s just, well – Jenson had thought he was well-adjusted to how life is these days.

It’s not that he misses Jess, he thinks as he walks through Shibuya crossing, manic and colourful and as fun as always. He’s happy with Brittny, things are good.

Things are great.

Fuck, they couldn’t really be much better. And if he finds himself scrolling through Jess’ Instagram while sitting in the same bar on the top floor of the Intercontinental that they first met in, it’s not because it means anything.

It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just catching up on stuff while Brittny is in the loo that’s all. He takes another sip of his drink, looking out over the bay and trying to ignore the heaviness in his heart. It isn’t like him, and he forces a smile.

The alcohol goes down far too easily that night, which is kind of stupid really when there’s a race in three days that he’s meant to be fully focussed on, but there’s something so sweet and fiery and nostalgic about Japanese whiskey that he ends up overdoing it a bit, Brittny guiding him back into the hotel room.

He’s not sober enough to get it up but if he was he definitely wouldn’t be picturing Jess while he fucked her.

_Congratulations! x_ he texts the following day.

He probably should say more than that but beyond flowers and gifts and knowing how to charm - the surface side of romance – he’s never actually been that great at relationships. Especially ones with people that he’s hurt. He did hurt Jess, he knows. He didn’t quite realise how much at the time. Maybe he should just stick to fucking women rather than trying to make them happy emotionally, it's a lot easier and he's damn good at it. But failing at stuff pisses him off; this is something he should be able to master.

Jess looks happy, he thinks, glancing again at the picture of her holding her belly while Brittny is in the shower. She looks really happy, that whole pregnant glow thing.

It’s hours before he gets a reply, a simple _Thanks, we’re both really excited!_

He isn’t sure what he expected her to say… _how are you, I miss you, hope you’re doing okay._

Which he is, even if she’s not interested.

_You’ll be a great mum_ he types back. _I always knew u would be._

For the record, Jenson doesn’t do regrets. He sometimes does shit without really thinking it through first but he’s never actually properly regretted anything. It would have been a bad idea, a really bad idea. And they weren’t ready. Jess wasn’t ready either. It wasn’t just him.

A message flashes up. _Our child would be four now._

The shower stops and Jenson almost drops his phone, quickly locking it and shoving it under the pillow, leaning back in bed with a yawn. He’s the one who started the conversation but what the hell is he supposed to say to that?

_I know_ , he replies when he’s stopped panicking and had some water and paracetamol to try and get his hangover under control, the sound of the hairdryer coming from the bathroom really not helping with that.

He doesn't know, actually. Possibly because it’s ages since he’s thought of it all on account of how uncomfortable and _guilty_ it makes him feel, which is crazy because he didn’t force her into it; they’d agreed and it wasn’t his fault that he’d been in Melbourne at the time and she’d had to go to the clinic with her friend instead of him being there to hold her hand.

He probably should have been there.

He wonders for a moment, what their kid would have been like, pictures a little girl as beautiful as Jessy.

He’s tired and it feels like something died in his mouth and he really shouldn’t be thinking about this, but fuck things were never the same between them after that.

“Shall we order breakfast to the room?” Brittny asks when she walks back into the bedroom, long hair swinging down her back. She’s naked and gorgeous and all he needs in the world.

“I think I’d like to have you for breakfast,” he replies, pulling her down onto the bed and kissing her.

“Love you,” she whispers. Jenson says it back, like he knows he's supposed to.


End file.
